"From Dreams to Reality: Where I Thought I'd be vs. where I am now"

Back in high school, I dreamed of becoming a Marine Biologist. I was crazy about the ocean and everything in it. But life had other plans and took me on a path I never expected, with lots of twists and turns. I ended up having kids, joining the military, getting married, and going to college. I've done so many cool things that I can't really feel bad about my journey. Still, where I thought I'd be and where I am now are worlds apart. I'm super proud of my life, my experiences, and how my kids turned out, but when it comes to my career, I feel a bit let down. I could go on about what I should've done, but really, it's on me. I should've stayed in the military, but circumstances pushed me out. I trusted my ex-husband to support our family, but that didn't pan out. That's a whole other saga. Anyway, I went to school, graduated with honors, and managed a full-time job while raising two kids solo. The career I imagined from my education isn't close to what I'm doing now. I love the military vibe—the values, the camaraderie, knowing everyone around you shares the same mission. It's like family, cliché as it sounds. If you haven't been in the military, it's hard to get. So, I took a job overseas with the military and the missile system. That year was probably the most thrilling, adventurous one of my life, doing things most people only dream about. I’m not bragging, but they were literally my dreams. The job was something I knew and loved, something that made me excited to get up and go to work every day, even if it meant wearing those uncomfortable boots and uniforms not made for women. But when I was in a Muslim country, things got tricky. The country was amazing, but working with their military as a woman was a whole different ball game. It felt like a man's world, and women were expected to stay home or shop, not work in the military. If you know me, you know I love a challenge, but this one was tough. The loneliness and being sidelined because I was a woman were hard to handle. I couldn't even do my job, which was to liaise about a missile system, just because I was female. It didn't make sense to me, especially since they knew I was a woman during the hiring process. It felt like they hired me just to check a box for funding or something. It was confusing and disheartening. I wasn't a marine biologist, but getting that job felt like a dream come true. Life wasn’t going as planned; it was like life was mocking me. I got there and couldn't do my job from day one. That year dragged on in so many ways, and I felt like I was failing over and over. But I did have some amazing experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. The memories are priceless, even if they were more about material things. I'm grateful for what I did, for what I showed my kids and future sons-in-law, even if I felt like I was back in the 1800s with no voice or worth. My current job is super stressful and makes me question if it's worth it. The mind games and nonsense are exhausting. It's one of those jobs where you rely on others who don't share your work ethic, and it feels like working with middle schoolers. Not all of them, but the drama and attitudes just drain you. Every morning, I try to psych myself up for a good day, but it rarely works out. You might wonder why I don't switch jobs. I ask myself that too, but where I live, it's not easy to find a job that matches my skills. I haven't job-hopped much, so my experience is limited. I don't want a dead-end or minimum wage job. I'm in my 40s with kids; I should have a career. I was proud when I got the overseas job, but after everything that happened, I'm disappointed in myself. Feeling worthy and having self-worth is crucial, at least for me.

Hey everyone, have you ever been in a situation like mine? If you have, how did you deal with it? I'd love to hear your stories. If you feel like you're not where you want to be in life, how do you make changes? How do you take that leap to become who you always thought you'd be? How do you handle not having the life you imagined, or how did you get past that to have the life you have now? I know it sounds confusing, but my life wasn't supposed to turn out this way. I wasn't supposed to be divorced or working at a job that stresses me out. But maybe this is how it was meant to be. I believe everything happens for a reason, even if I don't know what that reason is yet. I don't know why my life took this path, but I believe it will lead me where I'm supposed to be, as long as I keep moving forward and doing what needs to be done. It'll all work out. I wasn't meant to be a marine biologist; I'm meant to be where I am now, but I also feel like I need a purpose, and I'm not sure what that is. Maybe it's because I'm now an empty nester. Whatever the reasons, I've had the experiences and met the people I have for a reason. I just need to figure out what that reason is. Everything I've been through was for something bigger than I can see. So for those of us who feel like we haven't achieved what we thought we would, we need to shift our perspective and redirect our path. I realize my childhood dreams of where I'd be in my 40s were just that—childhood dreams. Life isn't what I thought it would be, and I don't think it is for anyone. If it is for you, that's awesome, and I'm happy for you. Life doesn't go as planned, so we change our path, shift our perspective, and create something new and exciting. That's what I'm going to try to do. I know it's easier said than done, but I'm going to give it my best shot. I need to learn not to be so hard on myself, but in future posts, you'll see that's just who I am—something I need to work on. I should be proud of myself for what I've accomplished, especially given the challenges I've faced. And I'm not talking small hurdles; I'm talking massive mountains I've had to climb, and I did it. So I'll figure this out too. If you're in a similar spot, just know you're not alone.

I'm heading out for now, but I'd love to hear any comments, stories, questions, or whatever you've got. If there's any way I can help or if you've got some advice to share, just let me know. Catch you next week, and I hope you all have an awesome week!

Xoxo

Heather